When Children Tell and No One Listens

When Children Tell And No One Listens
October 1997

By Sherry A. Quirk, Esq.

Bio: Sherry A. Quirk, Esq., is a member of the firm of Verner, Liipfert, Bernhard, McPherson & Hand. Ms. Quirk practices extensively in the legislative and administrative areas, and over the past several years has devoted significant time and effort to the issue of sexual abuse of children.

In 1992, Ms. Quirk also established and continues to supervise Verner Liipfert's pro bono project on behalf of victims of childhood sexual abuse. She is the President and co-founder of One Voice: the National Alliance of Abuse Awareness and its public policy project, the American Coalition for Abuse Awareness.

One Voice, a 501 © (3) entity, is a national alliance of adult survivors and child victims of sexual abuse, their supporters, child advocacy organizations, non-offending parents, health care and legal professionals who are seeking to improve the quality of life for children and adult survivors of sexual, physical and emotional abuse. One Voice is active in educating the public, the national media and our members of congress on preventing the victimization of children, supporting the right of victims to seek redress through the courts and assuring access to appropriate treatment for victims of abuse. Ms. Quirk can be reached by e-mail at ACAADC@aol.com

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Americans are more aware than ever of the tragedy of child abuse: our national and local media carry daily reports of children who have been beaten, imprisoned, starved, burned or sexually and emotionally abused. Shopping carts, milk cartons, billboards, newspapers all carry the message that children should tell if they are being hurt and that to prevent abuse, just call a hotline and help will arrive.

However, we are slowly awakening to the fact that, even if suspected abuse is reported, this does not always result in safeguarding the child from further abuse. In fact, some of the worst cases are those where authorities were notified of abuse and had determined that the child was at risk, but nevertheless left the child in the care of the abuser. We are also learning that not only the woman who flees domestic violence is at risk from further violence, but that her children are often the innocent witnesses to her being battered -- or additional victims. And in far too many cases, the batterer has not only revenges himself on his former partner, but hurts or kills the children as well.

But there is an aspect to this violence in the family which so far has escaped the public's attention: the granting of sole custody or unsupervised access to the batterer or child abuser. According to the American Judges Foundation, "One of the most common reasons given for resuming an abusive relationship is the fear that the abuser will act on the threats of taking the children from the victim. Studies show that batterers have been able to convince authorities that the victim is unfit or undeserving of sole custody in approximately 70% of challenged cases."

The idea that batterers and child abusers are awarded sole custody even when there has been a domestic violence conviction or reliable evidence of sexual abuse may seem so bizarre as to be unbelievable to most Americans. Even those who have experienced this admit that they never would have believed it possible until it happened to them. They thought that if their child made an outcry, help would be there for them. They thought that judges would look at a history of domestic violence, weigh the medical evidence, listen to the words of their children, and choose to protect the child. Instead, as the American Psychological Association states in its report on Violence in the Family (1996), "Family courts frequently minimize the harmful impact of children's witnessing violence between their parents and sometimes are reluctant to believe mothers…Some professionals assume that accusations of physical or sexual abuse of children that arise during divorce or custody disputes are likely to be false, but the empirical research to date shows no such increase in false reporting at that time. In many instances, children are frightened about being alone with a father they have seen use violence towards their mother or a father who has abused them. Sometimes children make it clear to the court that they wish to remain with the mother because they are afraid of the father, but their wishes are ignored."

Fathers, too, sometimes find themselves caught in the gears of the court when they report abuse their children have disclosed at the hands of stepfathers or their mother's boyfriend. These mothers are at times more interested in protecting their partner than safeguarding their children. Such cases underscore the importance of having the best interest of the child at heart, and that the protection of the child should be the goal of our child protection system. It goes without saying that each case must be judged on its own merits.

As far as we know, no one has addressed the long term affects of this betrayal upon children who told about being abused but were silenced or ignored by the judicial system and given into the hands of those who had abused and violated them. Susan Smith is an anecdotal example: a mother who, as a young teenager reported abuse by her stepfather, received no help, and proceeded to murder her own children. Told that the court would protect them from the abuser, how can abused children then believe that they deserve help and protection? And as Randy Burton, Esq., of Justice for Children has remarked, "The public's perception of widespread abuses in the family courts has created a crisis in confidence in the judicial system in general."



Please join us in drawing attention to the re-victimization of children through a court system which allows batterers and child abusers to have unrestricted access to children. Let your state and national representatives know about this grave problem and educate your local and national press.